One of the Hierophant’s elements can be structure. Also authority. When you put those together in a family dynamic, it can be intense. It can become a structure that we were raised with, then automatically, unconsciously, fall into as adults. This can run our lives. At the very least, it can keep us from living full out in the life that we want for us. Bringing it up into consciousness and the light of day can be scary, but truly amazing as well.
A family can generate a set of ideals. Created by the group, or by a single or few strong personalities in the family. These ideals can be absorbed into our ways of being, being run by that awful word, “should”. Shining a light here is a great thing. Ask yourself if you have been striving for perfection based on someone else’s ideals/desires or your own. Look at how you are comparing yourself to your family and ask yourself it you are being how you want to be, or how they want you to be. Are you punishing yourself because you are not fitting in to their expectations? These types of questions can be difficult to look at. But once they are answered, once you get clear on who is really making your decisions, it can be truly liberating when you let go.
It’s exhausting living your life according to someone else’s vision, it really is. For me, not living an authentic life makes me feel as if I am not living a life at all. It just doesn’t work. I had spent years trying to fit in to someone else’s idea of how life should be. Years. I compared myself to how I was “supposed” to be, I was outwardly well behaved and gave all the correct answers on demand. I covered up who I really was. They were all so proper and well behaved, and I must be lesser than, because I was not fitting in to that mold. Turns out, they were all full of shit anyways. Not only were they not better than everyone, they were downright creepy. I spent so much time wasted on being unforgiving towards myself for not keeping up with those ideals that never even existed in the first place. It is just not worth it.
Don’t give up your true self for anybody.