Creating boundaries, and getting great at establishing them, is an ongoing process. From my childhood, I brought with me the idea that I was not allowed to have boundaries, it was selfish, only adults could make those decisions, and a bunch of other crap that really winded up getting me in a lot of really bad situations.
So, I love taking on boundaries! I love exercising that right whenever I can, whenever I want to. But a sneaky thing started showing up. I would state a boundary, but then, in the back of my mind, I would have these long winded conversations, with myself, by myself, to prove to myself (?) that I was ‘right’. It was getting in the way of the joy that boundaries can create.
Turns out, I could establish boundaries, but I needed to be right while doing so.
Why? Because if I was wrong, it was a failure on my part. And failures meant I was a bad person. Failures meant a judgement on myself. Know one might know, but I would know, and that was bad enough. (It’s amazing the stories we make up about ourselves. Makes me want to take a nap, they are so exhausting…)
But was all that true?
Is a failure a bad thing?
It all depends on how you look at it. And how you look at it is everything. What if failure was an amazing gift? What if failure meant you got to move one step forward on the game board of life? It moves us forward. It teaches us. It gives us wisdom. It gives us compassion. It gives us maturity. It gives us another tool in our bag of knowledge.
Failure is something to honor. To say thank you for. We can see it as information. As a lesson that gets us closer to graduating.
We let failure walk hand in hand with shame so often. And we don’t even question it.
Failure can be a hard lesson, a hard gift, I am not going to deny that. But it is also to be honored. It can be celebrated. Why not?
Really. Why. Not? We all do it. No on gets left out. What an amazing thing.
You always have the ability to choose how you want to look at something. What if you congratulate yourself when you fail? What if you start to honor your experience of being human when you fail? What gets better in your life? What things drop away? What would be the most amazing way for you to see a failure?
Try it and see what changes it brings to your life.